Harder
by JoeMerl
Summary: Amanda breaks up with her high school sweetheart, Milo. Weeks later, she's still questioning if this was the right decision. One-shot. Milomanda, but also a lot of Amanda/Zack friendship.


**Author's Notes:** Another Friday the 13th, another Milo Murphy Appreciation Day! I hope that this came out alright, I was kind of in a rush to finish it on time.

Credit to Allieinarden from Tumblr, whose headcanons inspired this.

* * *

Amanda stared down at her book, rereading the same paragraph for the third time; her mind seemed unable to really absorb it. She sighed.

"Three," Bradley muttered from the seat beside her.

It took Amanda a moment to register that he had spoken. "Pardon?"

"Three. _Three_ times that you've sighed since Study Hall began."

"Be nice," Lydia hissed from his other side. "You know that's she's going through a tough time right now."

Amanda pursed her lips, then rose to her feet. "I'm going to get a soda."

Amanda asked the teacher for a hall pass, then made her way out into the empty corridor, releasing her fourth sigh in twenty minutes. "Get a hold of yourself," she murmured. "You need to take your mind _off_ him already."

She got to the vending machines, bought herself a drink, and turned to go back to class—only to slip on a puddle, slide across the floor and suddenly slam into somebody who was coming down the hall. She tumbled down on top of him, the soda can hitting the linoleum floor and exploding in a sticky rain on top of them both.

"Oh my goodness!" Amanda immediately pushed herself up, clambering to her feet. "I'm so sorry, I— _Milo?!_ "

Her ex-boyfriend sat up on the ground and blinked up at her; he opened his mouth, but then closed it without saying anything. Amanda had been reaching out to help her victim to his feet, but she was so surprised that her arm paused halfway, as though she was reluctant to touch him.

The two stared at each other for a few seconds that felt far longer, before Melissa bent down, grabbed Milo by his shoulders and yanked him to his feet with practiced ease; Milo looked blank as she turned to give Amanda an icy look. Zack, meanwhile, hung a few steps back, seemingly too engrossed by the clock on the wall to notice any of these proceedings.

Milo suddenly snapped to attention, reached into his backpack and pulled out a towel. "Here," he said, passing it to Amanda without meeting her eye. "You know...for the soda."

"Oh," said Amanda, who only now seemed to notice how wet and sticky she was. "Thanks."

But he was already at work with another towel, mopping up the soda on the floor. Then he dug around in his backpack, pulled out a yellow sign that read CAUTION: STICKY and placed it next to the affected area.

Milo stood, rubbed his arm awkwardly, and once again seemed determined to avoid Amanda's eye. "Well...see you later," he said, rather quickly, and scurried off down the hall.

Melissa followed, still giving Amanda a dark look, and then came Zack, who actually looked down and gave her a very brief, very forced smile before slinking after his friends. Amanda, meanwhile, stood frozen, watching them go with a damp towel still in her hands and an empty soda can lying by her feet.

* * *

It had been eighteen days since Amanda broke up with Milo.

The day of their breakup had been a...very, _very_ bad day. Two birds had pooped on her as the pair walked to school together, a pipe had burst when she stopped at the drinking fountain, a locker had crushed her lunch, the backup outfit that she had changed into got covered in slime, she received a black eye from a runaway pony, _another_ bird pooped on her, she lost her right shoe to a paper shredder...the destruction of her science fair project, mere seconds before it could be judged, had been the final straw. The painful knots that had been wrapping around her heart all day finally tightened, and she collapsed onto the gym floor in the midst of a panic attack.

When she had finally calmed down, with Milo and the science fair judges both kneeling next to her and speaking calmly, she had just said it without even thinking. " _I can't do this anymore, Milo! I can't be around you anymore!_ " And then she ran off to the nearest bathroom, barely having time to register the shocked look on his face.

Amanda began to regret her decision before she even got all of the slime off. But then, the rational part of brain told her that this was probably the smart thing to do. No matter how much she liked Milo, no matter how much fun he was, how loyal or kind of dependable he had proven time and again...the fact was, he was also trouble, even if he couldn't help it. That very bad day had been the finale of a very bad week, and how many more days like that could Amanda be expected to handle?

She had always known that a relationship with Milo was risky. Around the beginning of high school, Amanda had gotten so stressed that her parents had taken her to a doctor, who decided that she had an anxiety disorder. Learning this and getting treatment had helped her get... _better..._ at dealing with her obsessive tendencies, but even without that problem working against her, every person had their limits. She had to face the fact that Milo was beyond hers.

Not that telling herself that made her feel any less guilty when she saw him, wandering through the school with that hurt look in his eyes.

Bradley had understood, and to his credit, had mostly foregone the expected I-told-you-so's; Mort seemed to disapprove, but he was too nice to actually say it. Lydia offered a shoulder to cry on. Beyond her friends, though, Amanda found that most people actually seemed _surprised_ about their breakup; apparently the rest of Jefferson County High School had had more faith in their relationship than Amanda wound up having.

* * *

A few hours after (literally) running into Milo, Amanda was picking at her lunch, alone in the cafeteria; her friends either ate at a different period or had other things to do today. The felt very lonely at the otherwise empty table; she wished for something to distract her from her dark, brooding thoughts.

"Hey. Is this seat taken?"

She looked up in surprise as Zack slid into the seat across from her. Instinctively she glanced across the room. "Where are Milo and Melissa?"

"The hospital. Or possibly still in an ambulance taking them _to_ the hospital. I'm not sure what happened," he added, seeing that she was about to ask. "All I know is that Milo will be fine, he's got a broken arm, and somehow, flamingos were involved."

"Oh. But what are _you_ doing here?"

"What? I can't eat lunch with a friend of mine?"

Amanda's face remained skeptical as Zack began to work on his food. Meeting her gaze, he said, "Alright, after we bumped into each other earlier, I just thought I'd see how you've been doing the last few weeks."

Amanda made a noise that was vague but less than cheerful. "Not great. How's Milo taking it?"

Zack thought carefully before he spoke. "He's...Milo, you know? He's trying to stay positive."

Amanda groaned and let her face fall to the table. "You three must hate me, don't you?"

"We don't hate you. Well—okay, Melissa kind of hates you," he conceded, as Amanda quirked an eyebrow. "But _I_ don't. And I think you know Milo well enough to know that _he_ definitely doesn't."

"Well, maybe he should," Amanda muttered, looking back down at her food.

" _No,_ he shouldn't," Zack said, and Amanda looked up, surprised at the force in his voice. "And you shouldn't, either. I get it, okay? Milo's one of my best friends, but I know that he's a lot to deal with."

"Somehow you and Melissa manage." She said it without thinking, but then her brow furrowed. "I wish I was as...I don't know. _Fearless_ as you two."

To her surprise, Zack laughed. "Believe me, I am _far_ from fearless," he murmured, popping open his soda. "I've just...learned to deal with it, I guess. Milo kind of makes it easier, you know?"

Amanda nodded. It was one of the things that she liked about him so much—the way that he made everything seem so _easy,_ even when in reality he made it so much _harder_. She had developed a certain awe of the way that he took everything in stride, when she found herself getting dizzy at the sight of a split infinitive.

"But don't judge yourself next to us," Zack continued. "I mean...Murphy's Law was giving you panic attacks."

"That's not Milo's fault."

"No, but it wasn't yours, either. I mean, I hate to see Milo hurting, but you don't have to date somebody at the risk of your health."

Amanda sighed, looking away. "The funny thing is, it seemed like spending time with Milo was _helping_ at first. I thought that his attitude was starting to rub off on me. Like you said, he makes things seem easier." Her shoulders slumped. "I really miss him."

Zack had paused in the process of eating, considering her for a long moment. "Are you thinking about getting back together with him?"

She gave a humorless chuckle. "I've been thinking about _that_ since I first broke up with him. I care about him _so_ much. But...I just don't know if it can ever really work."

Zack slowly brought his spoon to his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "Well," he said slowly, "as one of Milo's best friends, I feel obligated to encourage you."

"But...?"

"But like I said, I can't blame you for breaking up with him. And if it's really _not_ going to work...it seems like trying again will just hurt both of you more in the long run. I don't know," he said, with a helpless shrug. "I mean, you and Milo were pretty great together." He smiled. "Honestly, you...actually lasted a lot longer than I thought you would. No offense."

"None taken." She hesitated. "But if I _did_ want to try again...do you think that Milo would forgive me for breaking up with him?"

Again, Zack's laughter surprised her. "Honestly, Amanda? That is the most ridiculous thing that I have _ever_ seen you worry about."

She looked up, unsure if she should be amused or offended by that comment. Before she could decide, the bell rang, and Zack rose to his feet.

"Well...good luck figuring things out. Just know that whatever you decide, I'll support you. And Melissa too, eventually."

"I'll believe _that_ when I see it," Amanda said, but to her own surprise felt herself smiling. "When you see Milo later, um...give him my condolences. About his arm and the flamingos."

"Can do."

Zack took his tray and walked away; Amanda remained in her seat for a moment, for once not desperate to rush off to her next class.

She still wasn't sure what to do, and she realized that the choice was going to be painful either way.

Suddenly, she thought of Milo. Also in pain right now, both physically and mentally. But she was willing to bet that he was smiling anyway. Making it all look so easy.

Amanda wished that she could be like that. Things like this were always so much harder for her.


End file.
